The Day my Children Stopped Complaining About Dinner

Chicken AGAIN??

You work your ass off every day. You have responsibilities at work that you balance with your duties as a single parent. You shuttle your kids to practices and rehearsals, help with homework, keep things clean, pay the bills and generally just hold it  down. If you plan your day right, and if you rush straight home from work, you barely have enough time to cook a good dinner for everyone. It's not easy, but it can be done.

And you're doing it.

Realizing that you still have your work clothes on, you kick your shoes off in a corner as you give it all one last taste test. You stack  the junk mail and old homework papers on the corner of the table and call the kids to dinner. The sit down, and what do they say?

This is gross. 

Kid #1 ; "Dad, I feel like we just had this, and you know I don't like carrots. Plus I don't even like leftovers because they tell us in school that food should be fresh. I'm just going to eat popcorn or something, that's what I'm gonna do."

Kid#2; (Quietly stirs her food around until it looks so bad even I wouldn't eat it)

"I have a stomach ache. I don't think I can eat"

Me ; " I think I do too now. Why did you destroy your food"

Kid#2; "My stomach ache started before dinner. The smell of the food made it worse"

This has happened to all of us. Hell, it might even happen to you tonight.

This is astounding to me. I understand that kids have likes and dislikes. That's not a problem. We all take our kids into consideration when we cook dinner, but they still seem to complain.

I have a theory

      I think this phenomena might be exclusive to the United States. I mean, do kids in China complain that all they get is Chinese food? Do kids in Mexico get tired of Mexican food? (See also 10 reasons why your kids are picky eaters) I'm going to have to research this. All I know that as we had rice every night when I was growing up. Granted, Puerto Rican rice is better than just about any rice in the world, (PR Rice and Beans Recipe)  but we still had it every night. When my parents went to dinner my dad would take some to the restaurant in a container so the waitress could have it added to his order.I wish I could have some right now. I love that shit.  I'm confused about these kids.

Here's how I solved the problem

Family meeting

I explained to my daughters that since they had such a problem with their dinner every night, I was going to let them see how difficult it was. They could cook dinner for the family. I instructed them to plan a meal that I thought everyone would like, and that was healthy. They were given a pen and paper for a grocery list. They were excited.

 Problem solved? Hardly!

This was no solution. I'm sure my kids thought they got away with a poorly designed  punishment. First of all, those kids don't drive and are currently unemployed. Besides, they are still working on their kitchen cleaning skills. They were going to have a great time and I was going to have more work.  Little did they know , this was merely the first step in a more elaborate undertaking. 

 The big day had arrived. The kids rushed in from school and immediately got to work.  They made sure to tell me that they would need to start right away if they hoped to be done in time (as if they invented this).

Dinner was served!

My daughter measured my portion out carefully, and handed me my plate. I politely thanked her, and prepared to eat. 

I looked at it for a few seconds, then poked it a bit with my fork.

I guess she noticed.

  "How come you aren't eating it dad?"

I shrugged my shoulders

  "I'm not sure of this smell. Thank you kids, but I don't think I like this. I'm going to go watch TV. Can you just make me a sandwich or something? We never have anything good to eat."

My daughter replied calmly, maturely and firmly; 

  "Dad, we rushed right home from school to make this for you. We worked very hard on this dinner and my sister and I don't think it's right that you"............................

It got real quiet. Time got real slow while these kids were figuring out what just happened.

She smiled

"Dad, you don't need to say anything. we get it"

A few years ago I realized that raising my voice was just counterproductive in my house. Whenever I yelled, there was somebody that wanted to yell back. I try not to do it. I seemed to have forgotten that, for the most part, I'm smarter than my kids. I don't feel that way after I yell, so this could only mean I'm letting my kids win. So, instead of raising my voice, I just try to trick my kids into figuring things out on there own. After all, isn't that what parenting is supposed to be about?

Check out The day my kids staged a mutiny!

10 reasons why kids are picky eaters (KevinMD)

When Being a Dad Is like Crab Fishing

Fatherhood gives you that rustic, weathered look

Yesterday I was watching a show about crab fisherman in the Bering Sea. They head out to  for extended periods of time in search of the "Ellusive  Blue Crab". Battling Arctic cold and high seas, they push themselves to the limit, enduring injuries, exhaustion, cramped quarters and often, hostile crew mates. Sometimes they work stoically, sometimes they complain. In the end, however, they get the job done. Bad working conditions are par for the course. These guys just love to fish.

My daughter walks in the room and says to me ;

"Dad, this is horrible TV. It's boring and these people are crazy for even wanting a job like that."

At that point she retreated to her room and turned on her radio. Maybe I'm not evolved enough to appreciate the intellectual depth of One Direction.

So I started  thinking about what I was watching. Was it really boring and a waste of time?

I called bullshit. 

The 12 year was getting in my head. I'm evolved dammit. I started thinking of myself as the captain of one of those crabbing boats. Being a single dad is like navigating the Bering Sea. No level of expertise or training will really prepare a father for the challenge of raising daughters. One minute they are mature decision makers with purpose in their eyes. The next thing I know they are perfumed bundles of emotional turbulence, hating me for stuff I never heard of. My exes are 30 foot waves and  buckets of frozen spray. If I let that collect, it will capsize my boat.

We single parents can get the job done just as well as anyone else, we just get knocked around a bit in the process. We are small boats, and we have to be a little more purposeful in our movements and decision making. Sometimes those waves even hurt.

Family vacations only work when everyone on the same page

 I'm reminded of this reality as I sit here and contemplate my summer, even though it's only March. Schedules have to be managed, money has to be saved and rides will have to be arranged . Springtime is the season for summertime preparations and diplomacy. Long days with the kids out of school mean twice the work for me. But no matter how much I don't want it to happen, school will soon be dismissed for the summer. My kids will rush home with smiles on their faces, full of big plans about what they are going to do with "their summer" even though they have no cars or jobs. 

 Last summer my kids tried to hijack the boat

They almost got away with it too, because it wasn't a regular hijacking. I didn't see it coming. It was a passive aggressive mutiny. I'm no expert on mutinies, but I imagine the passive aggressive ones to be the worst. I think they started setting me up in early June, when they began talking about all these wonderful things they wanted to do during the summer. Soon , there were talks of weekend camping trips and getaways to the beach.  Tentative plans were made to attend weekend festivals and and shows. And why not? That's what summers are for. 

As the summer wore on, I realized that most of those things just weren't practical. Time always seems to speed up between the months of June and September, and besides , I was just plain tired. Working 12 hour shifts at night meant I was already short on sleep.Regular summertime parenting is more demanding on it's own. Sometimes there's not as much time for extra stuff. We managed  a few days at the beach, and had plenty of cookouts at the park. Soon it became apparent that was as far as we would get that summer.

That's when my kids rushed the cabin.

The kids were bothered. After softening me up a bit with some good old fashioned sad faces,  the truth came out. They were upset because they didn't get to go on a  vacation.  I mean, they were really upset about it. They were bored, and they didn't have as much fun during their summer as they had hoped. It had been a long time since we all had a real vacation at the beach. I understood that, but this is what I explained to them, in kid words.

I don't owe my kids a vacation

• I owe my kids quality time, but nobody says it has to be at the beach. I would love a family vacation every year, but sometimes it's not a reality. 

• I don't understand how you can expect a vacation when you don't have a job. 
• They do the same things at home that they would do on vacation. They just want to do it in a different place. That's what they mean when they say they are "bored".
• It's not their Summer. It's mine. I still have a job and stuff to do around the house. They can build themselves their own summer, but it has to be arranged around my schedule. 
• Generally, It's not my job to entertain my kids. I can provide them with avenues of entertainment, but that's about it. I feed them, educate them and keep them safe. I shouldn't be obligated to make them enjoy it too. 

Now all this might be true, but I'm not a heartless bastard. I just have a tough time dealing with kids that think the world owes them something. If my kids are doing it, I can't complain about the other kids I see. My girls won't be young forever. I't makes me happy that my kids look forward to family vacations. (I remember asking my dad about "family vacations" when I was a kid. He looked at me like I gave him a punchline without a joke.)  My goal this summer is to have a family vacation, and we're all going to chip in as much as we can to make that happen. Soon I won't have a ship to pilot. I'll miss these days much like a captain would miss the sea. I won't miss the 30 foot waves, I won't miss the freezing spray, or the unpredictable weather, but I sure will miss the crew.

See also The day my kids stopped complaining about dinner

Simple solutions are the often the best solutions